My father died because of an extra-marital affair. He had a great marriage but at one point in time he cut it off and left his home, few years later he died. He even died some days to when he was supposed to return home to my mother. He died a mysterious death because the lady said, if I will not have you, nobody will. Few years later, the woman ran insane and was saying all over that she killed my father. So now that I’ve seen what a strange woman can do to a man, it makes sense to stay in one place so I don’t put so many life at stake.
He died
in 1982, I was 11 years old. It was so devastating because he went beyond just
being my father, he was my best friend. He left home in 1977. I must have been
six years old. He was gone for five years. It was at the point where he was
trying to get back to his wife that he died in 1982. I never knew what it was
like to be a child because my father never treated me like one. I was also his
best friend, he used to relate with me like an adult . Even when he left my mum
at Ife and was at Ibadan, I used to go to Ibadan every weekend. My relationship
with him blossomed till he died. He would send his driver to come and pick me
up every weekend. I had to learn how to deal with seeing him and the other
woman if I wanted to enjoy my dad. But I was always the centre of attraction
every weekend I was with him. The woman was not a major thing I will deal with
because my father would give us total attention. Before the separation, my
father was a professor in physiology while my mother was a lecturer in Geology.
After he
left the University of Ife, he went to set up consultancy firm in medical
equipment and so on. My mum remained a professor at Ife. My mum was one of
those amazing human beings that you can ever imagine. I cannot tell you how she
did it but you can be such that it was God that helped her. And the most
difficult part was that watching a man you of loved die in your hands. By the
time my father was dying, my mum was right there. He died with his heads in her
hands. I do not know how anybody would have done that. Many times my mum said
maybe she should not have let him go. She always says that if she knew that the
end of the matter would have been that way, she would have followed him with
the other woman, she would never let him go. I do not think that my father
followed the other woman willingly, it was programmed. It wasn’t natural. I
don’t think that he was in his total senses. His siblings were so upset with
him, they had to leave him. We should not have allowed him to go into the hands
of the devourer.
He used
to tell me, don’t worry it is all going to be alright. Meaning that we are all
coming back as family. I could see that he always wanted to go back home. His
death was one of the most difficult things I had to overcome.
My mum
had traveled on sabbatical to Belgium and at one point my father was passing
through Belgium. And they had a very short meeting and who knew maybe the
signal of the remote control did not get to Belgium. I think somehow the love
was rekindled and there was a gentleman, Rev. Faniku who was also in Belgium at
that time. He took it upon himself and work on it for almost a year and my dad
was almost back to his senses. My mum is incredible brilliant and beautiful.
There was no basis for comparison with the other woman who was a nursing
student.
Then he
fell ill with diabetes but there was no record of diabetes in our linage. He
feels sick on Wednesday and died on Sunday morning. He just finished a meeting
with my mother and he told the other lady that my mum was coming back home that
she has to leave. She told him if she will not have him than nobody will (kaka
kekumajesese, afisawadanu). By evening he had come down with a flu. By Monday
he was already really sick, by Tuesday he was in the hospital and my Wednesday
he was dead.
I have
never talked about my dad like this before, I don’t know why I am doing it with
you. You must be very special. I learnt that no matter how gifted you are, your
destiny can be truncated by a woman. I saw the joy of a successful marriage and
I saw the pain of an unsuccessful one. I choose i will go for the joy of a
successful marriage. Before my wife and i got married we went to pray and tell
God that none of the things that happened in our parent’s marriage would happen
in ours. We have tried so far.
Before
the separation, they won the couple of the year award twice on campus. My
father was an incredible brilliant man. He was the youngest professor in
Nigeria as at when he became a professor in 1976. He was 35 or 36. My mum was
beauty and brain. They were the happiest couple you can never imagine together.
A mistake
of falling for a nursing student who was not even in his department caused all
sort of troubles
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